By Thom Little, Ph.D.
In October, I was honored to lead a workshop on civility with members of the Washington Legislature’s Joint Select Committee on Civic Health. This group of legislators, created by the Washington Legislature and chaired by Lt. Governor Denny Heck is comprised of 12 members who agreed to serve plus the Lt. Governor, six house members and six senators; six Democrats and six Republicans. Created just under two years ago, the group has met several times to develop a strategy to encourage a culture of civility in the legislature and the state.
As Chair of the joint committee Lt. Governor Heck invited a team from SLLF’s partner organization the National Institute for Civil Discourse (NICD) to facilitate a workshop that would equip taskforce members with tools to encourage and equip members of the Washington Legislature to engage with each other and stakeholders in a more civil manner. I was honored to lead this team which included NICD’s Jack Thomas, former Wyoming Speaker of the House Albert Sommers and former Colorado legislator and current Mayor of Fort Collins, Colorado Jeni Arndt.
A critical portion of the workshop is something we call “The Personal Journey,” where participants are asked to think about a time, an event or a person that really helped define who they are as a person and helped them establish their core values and ideals. We remind them that we are not asking to explain why they ran for office or to give their five minute “elevator speech” as to why someone should vote for them. We are asking them to dig deep and explore what makes them who they are. In previous workshops, personal journeys have included emotional stories of sexual assault, extreme poverty, unexpected personal tragedies, summers spent with grandparents or that memories of that one person who saw a spark of good in them when no one else did. Eyes are opened. Hugs are offered. Tears are shed.
So as members of the Washington Joint Select Committee on Civic Health shared their personal journeys, I was once again amazed at the willingness of people to share from the heart and sat in disbelief at what some of the participants had overcome to become the confident public servants that sat before me. As I listened to these stories, I noticed one participant who seemed to be jotting down notes as others spoke. I must admit that part of my thought was that this person was not paying attention but perhaps working on a list of things to do when the workshop was over.
However, I was oh so wrong. When it came this person’s time to share it was clear that this person was not working on a to do list. Initially, this legislator spoke quietly, acknowledging that making notes about each journey because “I saw a little bit of me in every story.” Struck by the profound nature of that statement, I asked everyone to raise their hand if they saw themselves in anyone else’s personal journey and every hand shot up immediately: Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Liberals. Conservatives, Males. Females Asian. Caucasian. African American. They ALL recognized some of themselves in the personal journeys of others who seemed to be so different from them. Maybe we are not so different after all!
Imagine how much better our discourse could be if we took the time to really know each other. What if we could see ourselves in each other’s stories? What if instead of talking, we listened, truly listened to each other – to find out each other’s personal journey. To find out who or what made us who we are today. Maybe, just maybe, we would find out that we are not as far apart as we think we are and the journey to come together is not so far.
To quote one of my favorite Christmas songs, “If I could have just one wish this Christmas…” it would be that we would take time to listen and see ourselves in each other’s stories – Happy Holidays!
